Corky: Color him disgusted by D'backs
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A new look - a fashion-step forward - has been trotted out by the Arizona Diamondbacks.
They would do us a favor by trotting them back where they came from, a used clothing donation center, most likely.
What were these people thinking?
Gone are the purple and turquoise and black and copper and goodness-knows what else from one of the most un-baseball-like uniforms in the history of the game.
That's the good news.
But they are replaced by something called "Sedona Red" and "Sonora Sand." The red bring to mind spaghetti sauce left overnight on a plate - a sort of accelerated rust - and the sand is reminiscent of Kaopectate.
The new-look Diamondbacks will be dressed for playing badly.
When will teams ever learn that sports uniforms are best designed from the bleachers and that simplicity should be the essence of that design?
Oh, and don't get cute with colors.
The most attractive uniforms on the face of the planet are worn by the Los Angeles Dodgers. They are simple: blue lettering and numbers on the back of the jerseys, with small red numbers sewn on the bottom part of the front of the jersey.
In keeping with the team's performance the past few years, Diamondback management has struck out with these news unis.
Visual vapidity comes to mind. A color scheme that looks like bad clams on khaki.
"The colors are chic," chortles The Arizona Republic. "First baseman Conor Jackson looked hot in his new uniform."
Well, that stuff is fine if you're into an inferior version of the Houston Astros' red, a tan that's right out of military surplus and you're outfitting a team of Jiffy Lube oil-change experts.
But not a major league baseball team. D'backs management owed its fans better than this.
In keeping with trends, there are four different uniforms, it appears: a "Sedona Red" jersey, a gray one, white and black one (featuring the "A" with pinking along the left edge.
Give me a break.
What happened to uniforms trimmed in red? Or blue? Black? Green?
We can be happy that turquoise is gone - apparently - from the ensemble. As one of my friends commented the other day, "Teal is so . . . yesterday."
But if the Diamondbacks are thinking these new-look uniforms, as they charitably describe them, will excite the team and its fans, forget it.
Sedona Red . . . Sonora Sand . . . yak.
"Foreseeable Fuchsia" and "Anti-establish Mint" would better reach the desperately sought after younger fan.
As if the world needed one more ugly sports uniform, the movers and snakers of the Diamondbacks have dutifully responded.
Robed in their blooming garb of spring, the lads will look like the fulfillment of a dismal prophecy.
Corky Simpson's e-mail: csimpson@tucsoncitizen.com.
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